Landing in Vegas seeing the lights from the air brought a sense of excitement. Sitting on a bus from the airport to my hotel seeing the shops the lights, the casinos the only thing running through my head was "The Wave" speech from Fear and Loathing. I found a drive to write that night... but I waited know it wasn't right.
I once thought I had understood what Hunter S. Thompson meant in his writing, what he found, what he was looking for. I quote a friend "Those Who Have Felt This Will Know," this is true about Vegas. Vegas a town known for Sin, things that are frowned upon in normal society, things a good family would never do at home people come here and do. Sex, alcohol, gambling, gluttony an urge to be excessive. This feeling that you get while walking down the strip is amazing, the size of the buildings are breath taking, everywhere you go there is something sinful to do.
My first two nights in this town were fun, getting drunk, blowing my money that I had allocated for the day. Now in the third day things start to come down, the mind starts to break. Going to the north strip, Circus Circus a "family" casino and entire floor for kids to play games for toys... it hits you hard that this town raises children to gamble. Kids put there quarters into games that don't guaranty a winner it's a gamble in a city that clearly states that no one under 21 can gamble in it's laws. Kids learn the value that if I put my quarter in and lose, I can simply put in another and get my stuffed bear, while their parents are on the Casino floor thinking well if I put my quarter in and lose, I can just put in another and finally hit it big. When the kids get older they'll have the same mentality, maybe not in there every day successful hard working lives... but kids remember that weekend we took you to Vegas and dad lost a month salary that he saved up?
I didn't like it, these are the thoughts I had while walking and making my way through the casino. It was mentally tearing my mind up. I played slots a lot while i was hear in Vegas, this is not something I normally do, on the occasion I do gamble I play games that are more controlled odds then a machine with rolling tumblers. My first day of gambling though I hit 2 jack pots and another 150$ on bonuses on another machine... Vegas had me I was hooked there goes some more money that i had allocated for the day. So i move back to a game i was comfortable with, craps. A game back home i will spend $40 and have a good 3 hours of fun on a good night. But, this time it was different I fall out of pattern again, I move away from my strategy, my mind racing thinking odds and chances how was I going to win back the 20$ I just lost.
Well i'm out of cash for this having that urge to maybe go get another 20$ play another go... my mind made a dreary realization of what Hunter S Thompson was talking about. What he was looking for and what he found when searching for the American Dream. I walked out of the casino and made my way to the bus to get back to my hotel... this is when it all came to me what i wanted to say bout this trip in Vegas... this moment where I understood what one man found and what millions may never realize in this place.
My mind raced with the Fear that a hard working person such as my self, came to Vegas to escape. Someone who has frowned on excessive gambling had a moment of self doubt... you can say no a thousand times but it only takes one time saying yes to turn you around. My justification was I deserve this escape, what I was doing was ok because i'm in the town of Sin. When it all came down I had this moment of self Loathing that this was wrong, I felt dirty, I felt gross, I felt I have spent to much time in this town on a verge of mental collapse.
This is what he meant and just telling someone doesn't give you that understanding. Having to experience it first hand was the only way to really understand the fear of pushing the limit and the loathing of realizing the monster was right there. That is only a basic understanding though, the early 70's when Fear and Loathing was written Vegas was even dirtier, scummier and I can only imagine what it was like with the excessive amount of drugs that were involved in the book...
This all being said, I finally found it. The American Dream ~ I define the American Dream as The dream that greed takes and never gives. That I can hit it big and be rich on chance while being a sloth to society and never work more then needed because my lucky day is around the corner. I can be a glutton and be excessive into a state of acedia and looking for Joy in the wrong places and not being happy until it's found. We will envy those who have more then us, I will pride my self to make it to the top... and when it doesn't come my way wrath is unleashed...
There are four types of people in America, the ones who Live the Dream, the ones who come to Vegas in hopes of getting to a place they have dreamed and continue to search, The ones that realized it's nothing more then a dream and the people who go through life never knowing the dream every existed. I was one that wanted to find it, knowing it was there but thinking that i was above it and when i return home I'll have an experience that I'll never forget and I'll go back to my simple life dreaming but now with a knowing it wont come on chance...
-Anthony
--Side note - when coming to Vegas don't come searching for anything, come have fun see shows be entertained. We've become to fixed on the bells and whistles and the lights that not everyone takes in the sites of the city and stay stuck in casinos 24 hours a day. If gambling, drinking or any other of the sins this towns offers do it responsibly and never go in excess.--
